Hey, Buster! Who You Corruptin' Now-Now-Now?

I sit and watch the occasional PBS kids' show in the a.m. with my two children, AC (22m) and N (3.5y). For some strange reason, Wednesday at 5pm we turned on the t.v., and landed on NJN, the New Jersey public station. POSTCARDS FROM BUSTER came on, a show we've seen only three or four times. For those unfamiliar with Buster, he is a bunny originally from the popular animated PBS kids' show, ARTHUR, which features all-animal characters in a world usually inhabited by humans (think Berenstain Bears). PFB is a spinoff show from ARTHUR that features the animated Buster (he's eight, by the way) and his dad--a pilot-rabbit--flying around the country to take a musical group--of rabbits--to their gigs. The show focuses on what Buster finds and videotapes in these locations they visit--and all of the visiting is with live, non-actor human beings, in non-animated situations. It's a little strange to watch the people pretend to "interact" with a fictional/animated character behind the camera.

Enough background on the show. Here's the hoot: Wednesday, we happened to catch THE BANNED EPISODE!!! Buster & Co. traveled to Vermont, where Buster hung out with some kids his age (real kids, again), who showed him around the town. He watched and learned how maple sugar was made; he visited a dairy farm and saw how the cows were milked and how farm kids have some fun. Oh, and by the way, he had a Shabbat dinner with a family who had--shhhhh--two moms. Then they went to another family's house to sit around a bonfire and say goodbye to winter! Don't tell, but that family had two moms too.

There was so very little to do with the two moms thing, and so much to do with the children going about their business in rural Vermont, that I am astounded that the Bush administration demanded in January 2005 that PBS not distribute the show. Several PBS stations, however, got the episode and have run it. Apparently, NJN was one. This particular episode is NOT on the official Buster site: http://pbskids.org/buster/. Nowhere is there mention of Buster visiting Vermont, even though the episode is now over two years old!

Nyah-nyah, Bush! Now my children will be sad and confused individuals who think that family love is unlimited. They might even find out about Mary Cheney some day.

Props and Slops

THE PROPSI love giving props to people and things who make me happy. In no particular order, here are my latest true loves:

Budget Rental Car
Saved $200 on a week's rental just by stopping by the Budget desk on a whim while on my way to the Avis desk where we had already reserved a car for the week. No reservation? No problem. AND THEY WERE SO FRIENDLY!!!
Hyundai Sonata
This is the car we rented. We've always owned Camrys or Accords (plus my new fave, my Subaru Forester), but this Sonata was the CANDY. Who knew??? Comfortable, spacious, get-up-and-go. And a pretty thing! We fit all our luggage, we two adults, the two kids, and their car seats into that baby with LOTS of trunk room to spare.
Commerce Bank on Concord Pike & Silverside
I read recently in the News Journal (local-local!) that the most convenient place to cash in your coins was this bank's machine. No waiting in the supermarket lines, no "store credit" instead of cash. TRUE TRUE TRUE. And not only that, but the whole bank's staff was friendly, helpful, and SMILED at me when I didn't even stand in their lines! They even gave me two free checkbook registers when I asked, and I'm a freakin Wachovia customer. Hell they are open on WEEKENDS, people. Maybe I'll look into it.

THE SLOPS

Hanes socks for my boy
I didn't think a huge name like Hanes could make a stinky product, but the white ankle-high athletic socks I bought my 3.5yo are PILLING. I have never owned an athletic sock that pilled. Have you? It is strange and very UGLY, seeing that the fabric lining of his sneakers is navy blue. The fuzz pills on his white socks are GREY, and the socks are but a week old.

Microsoft Windows 7
Can you just shoot me now? I didn't observe my usual rule of letting a few months go by before upgrading to the next version. The NEW and IMPROVED Windows treats ANY link that is designated to open in a new window as a pop-up and blocks them. Weather.com local alerts, for example. Also, links on my blog (I always tag them to open in a new window so you don't leave me--*snif*). So you have to press Ctrl at the same time as clicking the link now. And the TABS on that mutha? I just can't figure it out. And I'm not dumb. At least I didn't useta think so.

And the battle's just begun...

From the CNN.COM story, "Bush: Congress Can't Stop Troop Increase":

Asked if he believes that he, as commander-in-chief of the armed forces, has the authority to order troops to Iraq in the face of congressional opposition, Bush said, "In this situation, I do, yeah."

I just threw up a little in my throat.

Christmas Leftovers: Cats-in-law

A few scraps from our recent holiday vaca at the in-laws' house.

Today's topic: The Cats-in-law.

For seven days it was me versus five cats, four inside, one outside. Every time we visit, because I am allergic, I have to keep our bedroom door closed at all times to prevent the cats from lounging on, rooting through, vomiting on, or peeing in our suitcases, beds, pillows, sleeping bag, and pack and play. Did I mention this house is in Florida? And my mother-in-law gets cold at night when the temperature drops below seventy? Thus little to no AC at night. The room is poorly ventilated anyway, and with the four of us heavy breathers sweating through the night with the door sealed shut, our windows fairly drip with condensation by morning. Might I add that the cats make themselves comfortable in this very room the other fifty-one weeks of the year. Their ghosts linger.

I had a pile of our dirty clothes outside our door for five minutes while I did something in our room, then I stepped out into the hallway, shutting the door behind me of course. The hairiest cat, a beautiful Ragdoll, lolled playfully on top of the pile. I tried to shoo her away without touching her. That is apparently cat-sign language for, "Let's play a while!" She swatted at me and the clothes as I tried to get them out from under her, and she actually laughed when her nails snagged one of my favorite shirts. Every time I tried to get the shirt away, she'd pierce and pull at it anew. And I thought dogs were destructive.

My husband's parents' cats are beautiful things, but I can't touch a one of them, or the swollen itchy masses that used to be my eyes will get worse. Washing my hands is futile, considering that the towels I use to dry them apply more cat hair to my skin than the washing removed. As I prepared for dinner one night I hung a clean shirt over a towel bar and began locating my shower stuff. I knocked the shirt off accidentally, and it didn't just fall onto the floor, it fell into the cats' water dishes. I shrugged, laughed a little, then sought out a towel. When I opened the shuttered doors of the linen closet, an orange cat stared me straight in the eyes from its cozy perch atop the bath towels.

The ILs got new couches for the family room last year, and the cats have already had their way with them. There's a carpet-covered scratching post in front of one of the corners to try to prevent the inevitable, but all that fur-covered toy attracted during our visit was my children. They pushed it, pulled it, stepped on it, kicked it, sat on it--everything but licked the damn thing--ALL WEEK LONG. Their joyous play kicked up huge tufts of the combined fur of the cats, which settled happily on my person. Wouldn't you know it, any cat toys (balls, fur mouses, fishing pole type thingies) are far more interesting play pretties than any distraction actually created for human children.

Seven days. Running nose, puffy eyes, failing contact lenses.

Why didn't we stay in a hotel? I prefer histamine attacks to bedbug infestation. And there's that half-a-G we saved...

We Interrupt this Absence for Two More Recommendations

This is rather yummy:



So is this:



That is all I have to say.

The Home Stretch (and a book rec)

Folks, it's the time of year when my mania for getting stuff done bumps up to 11 on a ten-point scale, and would you believe that blogging is at the bottom of the to-do list? I'll be taking a leave of absence from this forum until early in the New Year. But before I go, I have to tell you about the wonderful novel I'm reading--and it's just the right time of year to read it--Marisa de los Santos's Love Walked In. She's a local author, and even better, she's an extremely gifted author. I'm hoping to get to her booksigning at Borders in a week or so. Pick up her book and bask in its warmth, hope, and humor.

May your days be merry and bright, my friends.

He's Done it Now

O.J. Simpson has a new book coming out November 30: If I Did It, preceded by a t.v. special, entitled "O.J. Simpson: If I Did It, Here's How It Happened."

according to the Chicago Tribune,

Although Simpson has denied committing the crimes, he will describe how he would have carried out the murders if he were guilty, according to a Fox news release.

Okay. My wife--the mother of my children--was brutally murdered. However will I heal from this trauma? Oh, of COURSE! Well, yes, the golf is helping, but I now see that if I can find a public forum in which to fantasize in gruesome detail about being the psychotic son of a bitch who did it, then not only will I find some kind of inner peace, but I will also cement my innocence in the eyes of the world.

The money I'll get? Oh, yeah! That'll be cool too.

Bulbs are in

I finally finished putting in all my bulbs for spring. I had to move some daffodils which had become impenetrably dense in the last few years, and I added some muscarii (grape hyacinth), tulips, and some smallish alliums. I try tulips every few years, and have been satisfied only one year, when I was living in North Carolina. Either I never get them deep enough and they freeze/rot/get eaten, or they just don't have enough nutrients where I put them. I tried to prepare their beds better this year. I'll try to post a photo this spring if there's any action in the tulip department.

I laid some wire fencing over the beds to deter deer or other rodents, but there are always the underground dudes who'll eat the bulbs with no trace. I am going to try to scratch in some fertilizer today and mulch a little bit. I have a feeling, though, that I won't have time. It's D's birthday and the kids are incredibly restless.

It's Carmen Tonight!

Now just pray with me that the babysitter doesn't forget as she did once before. I reminded her Tuesday when we trick or treated at her house. She is 17. And you know they have brains like...well... like that of a 41-year-old mother of two toddlers.

A Boy and His Whale

(minus the boy)



Hope you can make out the picture--N draws with a light hand. He did this whale about a month ago when he was 3y 2m old.

Thanks for indulging the proud mommy.

'Tis the Season

...to be inundated with catalogs.

I generally get about five or six catalogs per month from stores I actually patronize. Whenever I get a catalog I don't want, I immediately call their 800 number and ask them to stop it. But the holidays brings 'em all back out again in unwieldy masses.

Today is Halloween. A record NINE holiday catalogs are in my mailbox:
Wisteria (home decor/furnishings)
King of Prussia (mall)
L.L. Bean Kids
Plow and Hearth (home and garden decor/furnishings)
One Step Ahead (kids to 3yo)
Leaps and Bounds (3yo on up)
Maryland Square (shoes)
Company Kids (home decor/furnishings)
A Southern Season (gourmet foods and gifts)

Now, if you are someone like my mother-in-law, nine probably represents a slow day in your mail-order life. In the space of about six months, she could bale enough of her junk-mail to erect a skyscraper in her backyard. But knowing her, she wouldn't build it herself at all, she would simply order herself one. With cats painted on it. Personalized with her name and a saying about grandchildren. And I'm sure a music box would be stashed inside a secret porcelain door on the 12th floor. But enough about someone else, this blog is about ME.

I could call these catalogs' numbers and say get me off the lists. If I subsequently need to make a purchase (doubtful), I can easily find their websites. Here's what they'll say when I call, though: "We have removed your name from our database, Ms. Scrooge, but you may still receive catalogs for another six to eight weeks, since we print and distribute them in advance."

How convenient for them to keep them coming through the buyingist time of the year.

A Glass of the House Whine, Please

Sorry I've been out of touch, everybody. Here's what I've been up to:



The family room carpet is done, as is the painting. Now we have to reconfigure the furniture and move it back in. But some of it has to be cleaned first, for the same reason the carpet had to be replaced. Dogs who are five percent territorial, ninety-five percent lazy



So here's where they will now live. Yes, I'm letting them share my study. The flooring for the new dog condo and the neighboring powder room is finished. I love the rough brick look. However, we haven't finished painting these rooms. Then the powder room (on the L) needs a new light fixture, its vanity repainted and knob replaced (see said piece on the study floor, awaiting its turn).

We had the same carpet (in "artichoke"--hard to tell the color on the interwebs) put on both staircases and the top floor landing. Oh, I almost forgot--we still have to figure out WINDOW TREATMENTS for the lower level. This job will never end. But when it does, the roof comes next. We're thinking white with solar PV to tie into the power company grid. Anyone out there done this yet?

Don't Push Me

Hey, Representative Mark Foley:
     Shut the fuck up.

Ahem. In the clear light of day, I see that my comment above, posted last night, was simplistic and vulgar. What I really would like to say to him is don't think you can move the focus and the guilt off of your own dirty self by announcing through your spokesman that you were abused as a teenager. Maybe you were. I am sorry if that is the case. But now is not the time.

Where has the thyme gone?

Why, I transplanted it from garden bed to pot, along with some parsley, a fairly large rosemary shrub, and my oregano. We harvested all the carrots (promptly ate them in two days), and then I broke down my three raised beds behind the patio. After raking out the dirt, I planted some Turf Alive!®, raked a little more, and mulched with straw. Now what we have is a big mess of wet straw. But if you look very closely, you can see wee blades of grass--and some very healthy wild onion shoots--testing the air. It was the perfect project for this stretch of perfect weather, just the sort of feeling in the air that convinces you that your favorite season is now fall.

Which is why it's so hard to report that I'm ticked off today. Christiana Hospital, where my two children were born, has the largest, most comprehensive maternity ward in the state. And, according to a letter to the editor I read yesterday (and I called the hospital to confirm), THEY HAVE STARTED CHARGING $15 A POP TO CHECK YOUR CHILD SAFETY SEATS. I had N's seat checked weeks before he was born, then I had his rechecked along with A's right before she was born. Free. Free free free. Just schedule on their available days and times, and, well, free. Keeps kids alive, you know. Was staffed by volunteers, you know. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED? If this new (and PROHIBITIVELY high) charge prevents a child from surviving a crash, I may have a breakdown.

And another thing, but not so important. Why does Disney insist on putting inappropriate video advertisements before KIDS' videos like Rolie Polie Olie? The preview I am speaking of is forDisney's House of Villains. YES, thank you, I want my 3yo and 18mo to watch Cruella scream, Meleficent boil, and whatever-the-hell-that-underwater-witch's-name-is turn into a fire-breathing demon. The freakin videotape is for preschoolers, for Jebus sake! Why scare the shit out of them before they've even gotten to the "feature"?

I'm now off my rant stump.

A note: I started a new blog at vox.com. Like I need that time sucker. I'm going to do all my writing about topics gustatory at--how originally titled, you will say--Eat and Drink. Hope you can pop in. And if you want an invite to make a vox blog, let me know. I think I have some to give away. I can't figure out a way to put in a hit tracker, so if you visit, please comment! I'd love to know who shows up.

Insomnia: A Small Price to Pay

Just needed to let everyone know that Anne Frasier is responsible for the dark circles under my eyes, the stoop in my shoulders. I haven't slept terribly well since I finished her newest novel PALE IMMORTAL. The images she conjured and the questions she left unanswered are yet rattling around in my head. I'm not sure I can wait another year for the sequel. (By the way, Anne, you'll want to ignore the title my husband suggested for the second installment: PALER, IMMORTALER.)

I would love to go back and reread the thing in a calmer state, but at the rate my eyes were tearing through the story, I unfortunately burned up the last half of the thing trying to get through the climax. Guess that means I'll have to buy some more copies. Hehe. The story is compelling, exciting, at times humorous, horrifying, and fascinating. A grand read.

I second Christa's pronouncement that atmosphere is Frasier's forte. I'm steering clear of Burlington, Iowa now that I know she used her hometown as the basis for Tuonela. No use getting myself mixed up in that mess, right?

Boys and girls, as the weather grows cooler and the days shorten toward Halloween, you'd be doing yourself a favor to brew a mug of tea, curl up under a wooly blanket, and crack a new copy of PALE IMMORTAL. But first, make sure you've stocked up on your sleep before you plunge into the darkness. It lingers long after the last page is turned.

PALE IMMORTAL by Anne Frasier, on sale September 5

I highly recommend you buy Anne Frasier's newest novel, PALE IMMORTAL...today. I am halfway through it, but forced myself to put it down long enough to write this blog entry. And that was no small feat. Frasier has made the creepy world of this novel so utterly believable that broad daylight doesn't do much to lessen my goosebumps. I must keep reading to find out the answers--or do I really want to know those answers?? Here's the "official" synopsis:

Welcome to Tuonela, a sleepy Wisconsin town haunted by events of 100 years ago, when a man who may have been a vampire slaughtered the town's citizens and drank their blood. Now, another murderer is killing the most vulnerable...and draining their bodies of blood.

Evan Stroud lives in darkness. The pale prisoner of a strange disease that prevents him from ever seeing the light of day, he lives in tragic solitude, taunted for being a "vampire." When troubled teenager Graham Stroud appears on Evan's doorstep, claiming to be his long-lost son, Evan's uneasy solitude is shattered.

Having escaped Tuonela's mysterious pull for several years, Rachel Burton is now back in town, filling in as coroner. Even as she seeks to identify the killer, and uncover the source of the evil that seems to pervade the town, she is drawn to Evan by a power she's helpless to understand or resist....

As Graham is pulled deeper and deeper into Tuonela's depraved, vampire-obsessed underworld, Rachel and Evan team up to save him. But the force they are fighting is both powerful and elusive...and willing to take them to the very mouth of hell.

Now get a load of the cool video for PALE IMMORTAL:


Kinda makes you want to RUN out and buy it, doesn't it? Then do it!

Need more? Go to the PALE IMMORTAL blog and listen to the soundtrack and MP3s, read the first two chapters, and learn much, much more.

Now, I'll be getting back to the book. With all the lights on, of course. And maybe the TV too. And the radio.

Fall Follies

For academic geeks like me, every fall promises the beginning of a brilliant new year. Blank notebooks, earnest faces, new shoes, spotless chalkboards. However, because I am on teaching hiatus while at home with my 18mo and 3yo, my usual September yearnings are thus far unrequited. Quiet moments have lately found me reading and even--gasp--writing again, but this "semester," there are more pressing assignments I must complete.

• We need a new roof. Yesterday.
• The family room/powder room/study redo is underway. I've identified the flooring we will use and we've summoned the contractor. In the meantime, we're stripping wallpaper, painting, pulling up carpet and vinyl, cleaning and deodorizing floors, and finally resting our weary bones. We'll let the installer-dude do the rest of the job.
• I'm kicking my roomie out. Little A has shacked up in her crib beside our bed for 18 months now--a stale arrangement, frankly, since I weaned her a couple months ago. So we've got to prepare the spare bedroom for N--who's been in the nursery too long--where he will move into his first adult-size twin bed. Then we will roll A into the nursery.
• But first, my parents will be visiting next weekend.
• Oh wait--Did I mention the gigantic branches that Ernesto brought down last night across our patio, garden, and fence? The branches themselves are the size of trees. We'll need to enlist some large muscles and a couple of chain saws to free one from where it's wedged in the lowest crotch of the tree. (Lowest being a relative term. It is an enormous maple tree.)

Wife, parent, homeowner. It's hard to fit in any other stuff at the moment. I think there's a handy calendar in my Trapper-Keeper, though. I'll try to pencil in some writing time for next week.

What's on YOUR desk?

I see this on other writers' blogs from time to time, and I've yet to join in, mostly because I don't write at a desk per se, but on the kitchen table. But, because I am seriously procrastinating some editing I need to finish, I will detail for you...

What is on Mary's "desk," from left to right:

• withered bush bean blossom
• neon-green foam walrus sticker, its tail stuck to its own underside
• black Uni-Ball Vision pen, micro tip, my favorite writing instrument
• red and white checked cloth napkin
• Baby Van Gogh DVD
• pile of third birthday cards
• Thomas the Tank Engine plastic track
• telephone
• my Dell laptop
• Palm Pilot cradle
• latest Writer's Digest (he's a she!)
• pepper mill and salt shaker
• junk mail to shred
• digital camera
• another telephone
• husband's defunct cell phone
• husband's G4 laptop
• grocery/menu list
• glass of water
• empty decaf mug
• Stepford Wives (Oz remake) DVD
• today's News Journal
• coupon carrier
• Garden Design issue from May/June 2004
• rice sock heating pad (I'm tending to a neck spasm)

I'd love to hear from you guys on this, and I know some of you have done it already. Even if you're not a writer, I'd like folks to post a comment with a link to what's on YOUR desk!

The Skinflintstones: Grocery Challenge, Final Episode

Well, August 8 was the final day of my month-long attempt to lower the grocery bill by purchasing inexpensive yet healthy and et'ical foods. We have a good deal of home improving to do in the next year or two, and saving money will for a while be high on my list of priorities. If you're just now tuning in, I (temporarily?) gave up my career as an English professor to stay home with my two babies, now 17m and 3y. No plans yet to return. Before I left the profession, we didn't spend any time worrying about money. Now, we must attend to our bank account. Despite this concern, our lifestyle is one we believe in.

Sooooo, how'd we do, Mary?
Grand total for the month: $335.
I have a nagging feeling that this is probably close to what I usually spend when I'm just shopping normally--following the fliers, using coupons, thinking healthy. Was it too much trouble for too little payoff? I'll have to think about that. Just a reminder that my running total only covered food items, not household or paper goods. Now something that WAS different, and that you can't see in the grocery tally, is that we ate out far less than usual during this period. I worked hard to pack lunches for D, and pushed through on particularly tough afternoons to make dinner for everyone when it would've been easier--and much more costly--to get take out. But I survived. And we were healthier for it, I'm sure.

Starting on September 1, I am going to start the experiment again, but this time, pull the belt a bit tighter. I won't follow it on the blog, but I may give an update halfway through for kicks.

And finally, a correction. I noted on my Be A Local Yokel blog entry that Delaware had seen the last of its market strawberries. But lucky for me, I was mistaken. Highland Orchards has a crop of late summer berries out right now that are petite and orangey-red. So sweet-looking, but I can't speak to their taste because, well, I didn't want to spend the money to buy a carton. So, huzzah to the strawberries of summer--long may they produce!

New Ultrasound Study

I just read this article on cnn.com: Ultrasound scans can affect brain development.

I do not doubt that sonograms do things to fetuses that we don't know about--we may never know about in our lifetime. Lord knows I had enough sound waves shot through me to cook little A in my womb juice. All because I was 40 and pregnant, and no one wanted to be sued for malpractice by a geriatric parent.

Here's a question that the study raised in my mind: Is there a connection between the growing number of sonograms done on fetuses and the rise in autism diagnoses?