Friday, January 13, 2006

Grab Blag

Double take of the week: At a stoplight, I see a Honda Insight with cigarette smoke billowing out of the driver's side window. Whatever green he was going for has turned brown by now. Probably even black.

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N (2.5y) has a little Jar Jar Binks action figure someone gave my husband back in the '90s. The arms are bent like goal posts, and when you flip them up and down his tongue goes in and out of his mouth. Heinous, heinous tchotchka. So N had it out yesterday, flip flip flip go the arms, in and out goes the tongue. And he shouts out with glee, "This YOU, Mama!" Moving right along...

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I've decided to hang out my tutoring shingle. Not the shingle that tutors, mind you, but the shingle that says I do the tutoring. "Ye Olde Tewter Shoppe, Mary Louisa - Proprietesse," it shall read. I'm going to be tutoring in writing, grammar, vocabulary, literature, the works. Most sessions will be local (N. Delaware), but I'm also offering online sessions. College prep, test prep, course work help, business writing, the works. E-mail me if you're interested in more info.

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Someone has to stop me. When I became a stay-at-home-mom last year, I thought I was prepared for the mental adjustment to living on one paycheck. Today, I'm not so sure I haven't moved through that to come out on...THE CRAZY BAG LADY SIDE. I seriously contemplated how I could make us some dishtowels out of something we already had lying around the house. Fraying bathtowels? Quite possible. Old tee shirts? Less likely. Too thin. Really, Mary Louisa, HOW MUCH DOES A DISHTOWEL COST? I think I can afford one. Maybe not two, but certainly one. Did I mention that our gas/electric bill for December was $319? No? What was yours?

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Now you see why I am hanging out that shingle. It's partly because I am starting to miss teaching a little. But it's mostly because no one has yet driven a dump-truck full of money up to my front door.

14 comments:

Erik Ivan James said...

Hello Mary Louisa. I followed you from R.J. Baker's. I will send you an email later today. It will come from erikivanjames@gmail.com. So, please don't push the SPAM button. Looking forward to a conversation with you.
Ivan

jason evans said...

Mary Louisa, thanks for the link!

Funny story about tutoring. When I was in college, I decided during the summer to place an ad offering tutoring services to high school students. I listed a number of subjects.

The phone rings. A young woman. She says, "Hmmm, science, geometry, Latin, Spanish...."

Me, confused: "Yes?"

Her: "Really?"

Me, more confused: "Yes?"

Her, after a pause: "You really need a lot of help, don't you?"

Me, baffled, but then suddenly understanding: "Oh! No, I placed that ad because I'm offering those services, not because I NEED them."

Her: "Oh, well why didn't you tell me that?"

Click.

That tutor failed the interview.

anne frasier said...

whenever i fantasize about quitting my writing job, i always imagine myself as a bag lady.


utilities: 276.00

Mary Louisa said...

Ivan, welcome to the blag of blog!

Jason, I had to laugh out loud at your story.

Anne, sometimes I think I'm a self-imposed bag lady. One necessity: duct-tape. I used it to repair all the cracks in our laundry baskets. (So far, I haven't duct taped anyone's shoes. Yet.)

Now WHY did we have a higher December bill than you when a) you live in the frozen north, and b) we were on vacation for seven effin days with the thermostat turned down???? [Do you also have a natural gas furnace and waterheater?]

Jeff said...

I got a laugh out of the little action figure incident. Kids can be so funny!
Good luck with tutoring.:)

heating bill for Dec. (gas) $216

Dy said...

If the dump truck shows up, will you send him to my house next?

I've actually been looking for employment lately and it's killing me - good luck with the tutoring!

gas - $49 (but we're on balanced billing)

anne frasier said...

mary louisa, i wondered how my heating bill could be less too!

yes, i do have a natural gas furnace and water heater. maybe my house is smaller, and probably has a lot less in and out traffic. it's one story with an insulated attic. i've also been running electric heaters during the day so the furnace only runs at night.

anne frasier said...

oh, and i think electricity here is quite a bit less than it is in many places.

R.J. Baker said...

I liked the smoker in the Honda. Made me chuckle.

Will you give editorial assistance under your shingle of just tutorial services?

Mary Louisa said...

Jeff, kids are a right big kick in the pants. Always teaching me new things. Like how I am unto a Gungan. Did I even spell that right?

Dy, I would direct the dump-truck driver to your house, but alas his load will be long gone. I have a big basement, and I plan to stash all the bills there. Good thing you people don't know where I live. Not exactly, anyway.

Anne, you're my kinda people. Smart about your heating bills. I do turn the thermostat down every night, but we have a big, drafty house, and four people to wash. You must remember how much warm-water laundry a family with babies generates, too. ;)

R. J., I have emailed you!

Bernita said...

Um...old cotton or linen table cloths ( not polyester blends) make great dishtowels.Find them at Goodwill or thrift shops.
I just let the dishes dry on the rack now.
I remember laundry, minimum 6 loads a day, every day.

Mary Louisa said...

Good Golly, Bernita, you have saved my hide! I have a drawer full of linen tablecloths donated by my thrifty aunts. They are a range of fifties prim, sixties graphic, seventies color riot. They don't fit a single table in the house, but--HOORAY!--you have inspired me to convert them. Now that I write this, though, I wonder if they can be sold on eBay...

Bernita said...

Maybe the 50's ones.

Anonymous said...

ML - my electric for 1 bdrm condo - $172 last month. I FEEL YA. -smooches - linds